Jul 31st
Jul 30th
Jul 30th
Jul 30th
In North America, when someone is taking a picture, they say “say cheese!!”. In Korea,...
Jul 30th
SUBWAY PLATFORM:
University student: *squatting. looking down letting volumes of spit fall to a ever expanding pool of saliva*
Me: Ummmmm
University student: *looks up. smiles. continues to drewl*
Me: Ummmmm
Univeristy student: What?
Me: That is totally gross AND inconsiderate.
University student: Who cares? If you don't like it, get out of Korea.
Me: Are you serious? That's your response? *turns to an old man* Do you like that?
Old man: *notices what the uni student is doing* WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING? ARE YOU FUCKING RETARDED? CLEAN THAT UP BEFORE THE TRAIN COMES OR IM GOING TO SLAP YOU BACK TO YOUR FARM.
Me: *gazes fondly at the older man*
Old man: What the fuck are you gazing at?
Me: Me in 40 years, sir.
Old man: haha
University student: *squatting. looking down letting volumes of spit fall to a ever expanding pool of saliva*
Me: Ummmmm
University student: *looks up. smiles. continues to drewl*
Me: Ummmmm
Univeristy student: What?
Me: That is totally gross AND inconsiderate.
University student: Who cares? If you don't like it, get out of Korea.
Me: Are you serious? That's your response? *turns to an old man* Do you like that?
Old man: *notices what the uni student is doing* WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING? ARE YOU FUCKING RETARDED? CLEAN THAT UP BEFORE THE TRAIN COMES OR IM GOING TO SLAP YOU BACK TO YOUR FARM.
Me: *gazes fondly at the older man*
Old man: What the fuck are you gazing at?
Me: Me in 40 years, sir.
Old man: haha
Jul 30th
Jul 30th
Jul 30th
Jul 30th
YO DOC! MY WANG WON’T CHUNG TONIGHT!
Jul 30th
YO, HOLD UP, I GOTTA MAKE A CALL AND DRINK A 30 CENT COFFEE...
Jul 29th
Jul 29th
Jul 29th
Morgan: holy shit. i'm about to post an epic remix.
Morgan: fuck! i can't believe i haven't blogged this song. it's so epic.
Chiam: but you seem to have high hopes other people will like it
Morgan: oh i highly doubt other people will
Chiam: then it's not epic. jesus fuck.
Morgan: oh it is. people will listen and be like holy fuck i am retarded for liking Halvo
Chiam: no one likes halvo's music. they seem to just like halvo. i have never once heard someone say something about his bands music. ever notice that?
Morgan: heh. i notice.
Chiam: so do you have an epic link for this epic song or do i have to wait an epic amount of time?
Morgan: http://intaipei.tumblr.com/post/151452685/boomboxexplosion-something-about-you-mr-oizo
Chiam: so far it's horrible
Morgan: oh just wait. just wait for the epic to set in. can't have it all come in at once.
Chiam: no epic so far. i fucking hate big beat. gawd, is this chicks voice essential? how do you like the sound of this?
Morgan: i love it
Chiam: well im getting to like 50%, where is the epic?
Chiam: oh just wait
Chiam: this isn't epic at all. fuck you got my hopes up. this is just a remix. it's not EPIC
Morgan: EPIC.
Chiam: you don't seem to understand what epic means.
Morgan: EPIC.
Chiam: opposite of epic. this song does not set the crowd on fire. it's a set filler track, and you know it. wtf. just fucking ridic!
Morgan: oh i'd only use the chorus. heh
Chiam: THEN IT'S NOT EPIC!!!!!!! SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!! GOD DAMN
Morgan: LOL dude i love messing with you. EPIC.
Chiam: AN EPIC SONG IS A SONG YOU PLAY IN FULL AND FUCKING REWIND IT BECAUSE IT'S SO AWESOME
Morgan: nah. that's not epic.
Chiam: this song fails in so many ways
Morgan: it's totally epic
Chiam: IN YOUR RETARDED WORLD, IT'S EPIC. IN THE REAL WORLD IT'S JUST A STUPID REMIX BY SOME FUCK NO ONE HAS EVER HEARD OF EXCEPT YOU BECAUSE JAMELIA HAS A TOURIST VISA TO MORGANS LAND OF RETARDATION
Morgan: Epic
Chiam: SHUT THE FUCK UP. YOU MAKE ME FURIOUS WITH HOW LITTLE YOU UNDERSTAND THE WORLD
Morgan: dude. if i could bring only one song with me to a desert island. hands down. that'd be the song
Chiam: It is no use talking to you. You are deluded in so many ways. The day you realize how pathetic you are, is the day your world crashes all around you and you commit suicide by hanging yourself in your best friends closet, beside the suit he'll wear to your funeral.
Morgan: fuck! i can't believe i haven't blogged this song. it's so epic.
Chiam: but you seem to have high hopes other people will like it
Morgan: oh i highly doubt other people will
Chiam: then it's not epic. jesus fuck.
Morgan: oh it is. people will listen and be like holy fuck i am retarded for liking Halvo
Chiam: no one likes halvo's music. they seem to just like halvo. i have never once heard someone say something about his bands music. ever notice that?
Morgan: heh. i notice.
Chiam: so do you have an epic link for this epic song or do i have to wait an epic amount of time?
Morgan: http://intaipei.tumblr.com/post/151452685/boomboxexplosion-something-about-you-mr-oizo
Chiam: so far it's horrible
Morgan: oh just wait. just wait for the epic to set in. can't have it all come in at once.
Chiam: no epic so far. i fucking hate big beat. gawd, is this chicks voice essential? how do you like the sound of this?
Morgan: i love it
Chiam: well im getting to like 50%, where is the epic?
Chiam: oh just wait
Chiam: this isn't epic at all. fuck you got my hopes up. this is just a remix. it's not EPIC
Morgan: EPIC.
Chiam: you don't seem to understand what epic means.
Morgan: EPIC.
Chiam: opposite of epic. this song does not set the crowd on fire. it's a set filler track, and you know it. wtf. just fucking ridic!
Morgan: oh i'd only use the chorus. heh
Chiam: THEN IT'S NOT EPIC!!!!!!! SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!! GOD DAMN
Morgan: LOL dude i love messing with you. EPIC.
Chiam: AN EPIC SONG IS A SONG YOU PLAY IN FULL AND FUCKING REWIND IT BECAUSE IT'S SO AWESOME
Morgan: nah. that's not epic.
Chiam: this song fails in so many ways
Morgan: it's totally epic
Chiam: IN YOUR RETARDED WORLD, IT'S EPIC. IN THE REAL WORLD IT'S JUST A STUPID REMIX BY SOME FUCK NO ONE HAS EVER HEARD OF EXCEPT YOU BECAUSE JAMELIA HAS A TOURIST VISA TO MORGANS LAND OF RETARDATION
Morgan: Epic
Chiam: SHUT THE FUCK UP. YOU MAKE ME FURIOUS WITH HOW LITTLE YOU UNDERSTAND THE WORLD
Morgan: dude. if i could bring only one song with me to a desert island. hands down. that'd be the song
Chiam: It is no use talking to you. You are deluded in so many ways. The day you realize how pathetic you are, is the day your world crashes all around you and you commit suicide by hanging yourself in your best friends closet, beside the suit he'll wear to your funeral.
Jul 28th
Jul 28th
Jul 28th
Jul 28th
Jul 28th
Jul 28th
Jul 28th
Jul 28th
Door: *knock knock knock*
Me: *opens the door* Hello!
Father and son duo: Oh! You are a foreigner.
Me: Yes, indeed I am. I just made some tea, and I'm watching some hardcore porn. Would you like to come in?
Father: Are you an English teacher?
Me: Ummm, ok, today I am.
Father: Did you know that Jesus Christ, our lord and savior, is the greatest teacher ever?
Me: That motherfucker? No, I don’t think so.
Son: *shocked look*
Father: How can you say such a thing?
Me: Well, students listen and learn from their teacher, right?
Father: Yes.
Me: THEN WHY THE FUCK ARE PEOPLE KILLING and so forth in the name of god?
Father: Well...
Me: What the fuck are you selling?
Father: I'm not selling anything.
Me: SHUT THE FUCK UP. You’re selling god.
Father: I'm just spreading the good word.
Me: You fucks are everywhere. Is it not enough you are on the subway screaming your shit everyday? Is it not enough that you’re driving around in vans, scooters, and bicycles with speakers attached blaring religious propaganda? Now you come and bother me at home?
Father: I'm sorry.
Me: You going to apologize for this kind of shit at confession, or are you going to the next building and continue this bothersome bullshit?
Father: *no answer* *walks away*
Son: *evil eye*
Me: BE CAREFUL YOUNG GOODBOOKFUCKER, I THINK I SAW SATAN IN YOUR EYES!!!!
Me: *opens the door* Hello!
Father and son duo: Oh! You are a foreigner.
Me: Yes, indeed I am. I just made some tea, and I'm watching some hardcore porn. Would you like to come in?
Father: Are you an English teacher?
Me: Ummm, ok, today I am.
Father: Did you know that Jesus Christ, our lord and savior, is the greatest teacher ever?
Me: That motherfucker? No, I don’t think so.
Son: *shocked look*
Father: How can you say such a thing?
Me: Well, students listen and learn from their teacher, right?
Father: Yes.
Me: THEN WHY THE FUCK ARE PEOPLE KILLING and so forth in the name of god?
Father: Well...
Me: What the fuck are you selling?
Father: I'm not selling anything.
Me: SHUT THE FUCK UP. You’re selling god.
Father: I'm just spreading the good word.
Me: You fucks are everywhere. Is it not enough you are on the subway screaming your shit everyday? Is it not enough that you’re driving around in vans, scooters, and bicycles with speakers attached blaring religious propaganda? Now you come and bother me at home?
Father: I'm sorry.
Me: You going to apologize for this kind of shit at confession, or are you going to the next building and continue this bothersome bullshit?
Father: *no answer* *walks away*
Son: *evil eye*
Me: BE CAREFUL YOUNG GOODBOOKFUCKER, I THINK I SAW SATAN IN YOUR EYES!!!!
Jul 27th
Sir! No Sir!
Sir! No Sir! is a very interesting documentary film about the anti-war movement within the US...
Jul 27th
Jul 26th
Jul 26th
Jul 26th
Jul 26th
Jul 26th
Jul 26th
Jul 26th
Jul 25th
Jul 25th
Jul 25th
FUCK YEAH DOG SOUP! (delicious)
Jul 24th
Jul 24th
best partner EVAR
Jul 24th
Jul 24th
Jul 24th
Jul 23rd
Jul 23rd
Jul 23rd
intaipei: you’re now officially part of the problem.
Jul 22nd
11:50 AM (Korean Time)
Jul 21st
PILLS:
intaipei: “Are you sure those were sleeping pills” “…actually. Turns out they’re pretty strong...
Jul 21st
Jul 21st
Jul 21st
Jul 21st
Stall 1 (Squatter): *poo smeared everywhere* WTF!
Stall 2 (Squatter): *no toilet paper*
Stall 3 (Squatter): *wet floor, wet newspaper, no toilet paper*
Stall 4 (Squatter): *occupied*
Stall 5 (Toilet): *occupied*
Me: *waiting*
Stall 4: *speaking on the phone*
Stall 5: *leafing loudly through a newspaper*
Me: ARE EITHER OF YOU STALLHOGGERS ACTUALLY TAKING A SHIT?
Stall 4: I'm on the phone! Wait!
Stall 5: No, I'm reading the paper!
Me: *Starts pounding both doors with both hands* I think I'm going to shit my pants. I'LL GIVE 10,000 WON TO THE FIRST PERSON WHO OPENS THE DOOR SO I CAN TAKE A SHIT!!
*dangles a 10,000 won note above the doors.*
Stall 5: *Man opens the door and comes out to get the money*
Me: *pushes the motherfucker aside, goes into the stall, locks the door*
Man who was in Stall 5: HEY! What about my money!?!?!
Me: YOU CAN HAVE IT WHEN IM DONE. THIS IS AN EMERGENCY.
My Bowels: Feels sooooooo goooooooooood.
Me: *does not flush, leaves the stall*
Man who was in Stall 5: You got that 10,000?
Me: Yeah, it's under that pile of steaming shit I left in there for you. Go get it, asshole.
Stall 2 (Squatter): *no toilet paper*
Stall 3 (Squatter): *wet floor, wet newspaper, no toilet paper*
Stall 4 (Squatter): *occupied*
Stall 5 (Toilet): *occupied*
Me: *waiting*
Stall 4: *speaking on the phone*
Stall 5: *leafing loudly through a newspaper*
Me: ARE EITHER OF YOU STALLHOGGERS ACTUALLY TAKING A SHIT?
Stall 4: I'm on the phone! Wait!
Stall 5: No, I'm reading the paper!
Me: *Starts pounding both doors with both hands* I think I'm going to shit my pants. I'LL GIVE 10,000 WON TO THE FIRST PERSON WHO OPENS THE DOOR SO I CAN TAKE A SHIT!!
*dangles a 10,000 won note above the doors.*
Stall 5: *Man opens the door and comes out to get the money*
Me: *pushes the motherfucker aside, goes into the stall, locks the door*
Man who was in Stall 5: HEY! What about my money!?!?!
Me: YOU CAN HAVE IT WHEN IM DONE. THIS IS AN EMERGENCY.
My Bowels: Feels sooooooo goooooooooood.
Me: *does not flush, leaves the stall*
Man who was in Stall 5: You got that 10,000?
Me: Yeah, it's under that pile of steaming shit I left in there for you. Go get it, asshole.
Jul 21st
Jul 20th
Jul 20th
Jul 20th
Jul 20th
Jul 20th
I bet Chiam's out and about taking...
(via tomjhardwick) I’m probably out “taking pics of Vulnerable Chinese/Korean/Japanese...
Jul 20th
(via helveticasaidit) Genius
Jul 20th
So you emailed me and commented that you thought I was overly negative, and that if you were a...
Jul 20th
Jul 20th
Smile. (via DJ Bass)
Jul 20th
Jul 19th
Jul 19th
Dry cleaners: That's 40,000 won. This jacket was 5,000.
Me: I only have 30,000, can I pay the other 10,000 next time?
Dry cleaners: No.
Me: But you just let the guy before me do that.
Dry cleaners: He's Korean
Me: Ok, I'll be back.
*: *Goes to an ATM and goes back to the dry cleaners*
Me: Here is the cash. Let me ask you, about how much do I spend a week here?
Dry Cleaners: I'd say about 60,000.
Me: How much does that dude you let pay you back later spend?
Dry Cleaners: Oh, he only does a shirt now and then.
Me: Well you just lost 60,000 a week, biatch. Good bye.
Dry Cleaners: Oh! But....
Me: FUCK OFF RACIST STARCHFUCKER! I'M OUT!
Me: I only have 30,000, can I pay the other 10,000 next time?
Dry cleaners: No.
Me: But you just let the guy before me do that.
Dry cleaners: He's Korean
Me: Ok, I'll be back.
*: *Goes to an ATM and goes back to the dry cleaners*
Me: Here is the cash. Let me ask you, about how much do I spend a week here?
Dry Cleaners: I'd say about 60,000.
Me: How much does that dude you let pay you back later spend?
Dry Cleaners: Oh, he only does a shirt now and then.
Me: Well you just lost 60,000 a week, biatch. Good bye.
Dry Cleaners: Oh! But....
Me: FUCK OFF RACIST STARCHFUCKER! I'M OUT!
Jul 19th
I think the camera on my old phone was better.
Jul 19th
Subway Intercom: This is your stop!
Me: *stands up and waits in front of a set of doors*
Doors: *opening*
Bastard: *stands right in my path (probably expecting me to move around him so that he can get on and get a seat faster)*
Me: *Stands at the door waiting for the impatient bastard to move to the side (as noted by diagrams on the platform) so that I can exit*
Bastard: *stands there blocking me*
Me: *Stands there waiting* Ummmmm?
Bastard: *stands there blocking me*
Me: *Stands there waiting* Hmmm?
Doors: *closing*
Bastard through the door window: *angry as fuck*
Me: *BIG GRIN*
NOTE: At the next station, I got off the train, crossed the platform, and got on a train going back to my destination. When I got off, the man was still standing on the platform.
Me: *Waves to the Bastard and smiles*
Bastard from across the tracks: KA-SEKI YOU! *points at me*
Me from across the tracks: HEY FUCK FACE! LEARN HOW TO USE THE GOD DAMN SUBWAY! I HOPE YOUR IMPATIENT-AS-ALL-HELL ASS WITH NO MANNERS HAS FUN WAITING 30 MINUTES FOR THE NEXT NON-SHORT-STOP* TRAIN!! I WIN BITCH TITS!!! MAKE SURE YOU TELL YOUR COWORKERS ABOUT ME. ROCK'N'ROLL MOTHERFUCKER!!!!
*: Because the subway line is so long, the stop two stations after mine is the "short-stop" station. Most trains stop there and then reverse direction. Trains going past the short stop station are few and far between. My train was not a short-stop train. Thats why the bastard was so pissed. I refuse to snake through an impatient crowd when I want to exit the train.
Me: *stands up and waits in front of a set of doors*
Doors: *opening*
Bastard: *stands right in my path (probably expecting me to move around him so that he can get on and get a seat faster)*
Me: *Stands at the door waiting for the impatient bastard to move to the side (as noted by diagrams on the platform) so that I can exit*
Bastard: *stands there blocking me*
Me: *Stands there waiting* Ummmmm?
Bastard: *stands there blocking me*
Me: *Stands there waiting* Hmmm?
Doors: *closing*
Bastard through the door window: *angry as fuck*
Me: *BIG GRIN*
NOTE: At the next station, I got off the train, crossed the platform, and got on a train going back to my destination. When I got off, the man was still standing on the platform.
Me: *Waves to the Bastard and smiles*
Bastard from across the tracks: KA-SEKI YOU! *points at me*
Me from across the tracks: HEY FUCK FACE! LEARN HOW TO USE THE GOD DAMN SUBWAY! I HOPE YOUR IMPATIENT-AS-ALL-HELL ASS WITH NO MANNERS HAS FUN WAITING 30 MINUTES FOR THE NEXT NON-SHORT-STOP* TRAIN!! I WIN BITCH TITS!!! MAKE SURE YOU TELL YOUR COWORKERS ABOUT ME. ROCK'N'ROLL MOTHERFUCKER!!!!
*: Because the subway line is so long, the stop two stations after mine is the "short-stop" station. Most trains stop there and then reverse direction. Trains going past the short stop station are few and far between. My train was not a short-stop train. Thats why the bastard was so pissed. I refuse to snake through an impatient crowd when I want to exit the train.
Jul 19th
Jul 19th
Jul 18th
Jul 18th
Jul 18th
Jul 17th
Jul 17th
4 ball is fucking difficult.
Jul 17th
Jul 17th
Jul 17th
Dog restaurant. I’ve tried dog twice, and I must say...
Jul 17th
Jul 16th
DOES THIS MOTHERFUCKER GIVE A RATS ASS HE WAS RUNNING AROUND...
Jul 16th
oopsydaisy:
I WILL FUCKING CUT YOU
vs
I STILL FUCKING...
Jul 16th
Jul 16th
Jul 16th
Subway dude: Can I ask you a quick English question?
Me: Do you use firefox?
Subway dude: Ummm no, I use Internet Explorer.
Me: Then no, you may not ask me a quick question.
Me: Do you use firefox?
Subway dude: Ummm no, I use Internet Explorer.
Me: Then no, you may not ask me a quick question.
Jul 16th
Jul 16th
Jul 15th
Jul 15th
Jul 15th
HK Part 2:
intaipei: She talked very annoying. Sorry LA girls, your accent and choice of words is disgusting....
Jul 15th
*I get on the train at Gyo-Dae and find a seat between an older lady and a university student studying some insane math*
Lady: *Looks up at me*
Me: *Stares at the reflection of the lady (in the window across from me)*
Lady: *Looks up at me* Harumpf!
Me: *Stares at the reflection of the lady*
Lady: *wiggles away from me in her seat a bit*
Me: *Stares at the reflection of the lady*
Lady: *starts trying to push me aside with her elbow*
Me: *Turns and looks at the lady* Please stop that.
Lady: *stops* grumble grumble napoon megook (dirty American)
Me: *holds back due to it being early and humid*
Lady: *starts elbowing me more while calling me a dirty American*
University kid: *leans forward to give the lady the stink eye*
Me: BITCH! WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM?!?
Lady: *mutters something rude and racist*
Standing Man: Old lady! Calm down!
Lady: Shut up! Mind your manners!
Me: Manners? You're the crazy bitch with your legs spread so wide the entire train can see your kimchi pit! Maybe if you closed them, you wouldn't need so much space. Leave me THE FUCK alone.
Lady: Yankee bastard!
Me: OK. THAT'S IT. FIRST, I AM CANADIAN YOU RACIST BIATCH. SECOND, IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT HERE, GO SIT OVER THERE IN THE SEATS RESERVED FOR CRANKY OLD FUCKERS WITH PERMS AS HIDEOUS AS YOURS. I AM NOT MOVING UNTIL I GET TO MY MOTHERFUCKING STATION! FUCK!
*train stops at Jongno-3ga*
Lady: *gets up to leave and gives me the middle finger*
Me: *HUGE MOTHERFUCKING GRIN* Going back to Uijeongbu eh?
Lady: So?
Me: Have a good day you dirty whore!
University kid: haha!
Standing man: You're funny.
Lady: *Looks up at me*
Me: *Stares at the reflection of the lady (in the window across from me)*
Lady: *Looks up at me* Harumpf!
Me: *Stares at the reflection of the lady*
Lady: *wiggles away from me in her seat a bit*
Me: *Stares at the reflection of the lady*
Lady: *starts trying to push me aside with her elbow*
Me: *Turns and looks at the lady* Please stop that.
Lady: *stops* grumble grumble napoon megook (dirty American)
Me: *holds back due to it being early and humid*
Lady: *starts elbowing me more while calling me a dirty American*
University kid: *leans forward to give the lady the stink eye*
Me: BITCH! WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM?!?
Lady: *mutters something rude and racist*
Standing Man: Old lady! Calm down!
Lady: Shut up! Mind your manners!
Me: Manners? You're the crazy bitch with your legs spread so wide the entire train can see your kimchi pit! Maybe if you closed them, you wouldn't need so much space. Leave me THE FUCK alone.
Lady: Yankee bastard!
Me: OK. THAT'S IT. FIRST, I AM CANADIAN YOU RACIST BIATCH. SECOND, IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT HERE, GO SIT OVER THERE IN THE SEATS RESERVED FOR CRANKY OLD FUCKERS WITH PERMS AS HIDEOUS AS YOURS. I AM NOT MOVING UNTIL I GET TO MY MOTHERFUCKING STATION! FUCK!
*train stops at Jongno-3ga*
Lady: *gets up to leave and gives me the middle finger*
Me: *HUGE MOTHERFUCKING GRIN* Going back to Uijeongbu eh?
Lady: So?
Me: Have a good day you dirty whore!
University kid: haha!
Standing man: You're funny.
Jul 15th
Chicken Shit House?
Jul 15th
Jul 15th
Jul 15th
Jul 15th
HELVETICASAIDIT
Jul 15th
Jul 14th
Jul 14th
Jul 14th
“GOD IS SO AWESOME
My saviour. My provider. My source of joy...”
Jul 14th
Morning Chat with Sean
A conversation with th’con th’con: I was talking to KH about you yesterday. He recounted...
Jul 14th
ahopsi:
:)
ZOMFG!!!! FINALLY!!!
Jul 14th
Jul 14th
Jul 14th
Jul 14th
Jul 13th
Jul 13th
Jul 13th
http://bremser.tumblr.com/
Jul 13th
lindsaykid:
According to my tumblr, I have a tumblr crush on you ;)
IF MY WIFE FINDS OUT,...
Jul 13th
Jul 13th
Jul 13th
Banana milk. Check. Balloon. Check. Sleeveless Zebra shirt....
Jul 13th
Chiam,
louischatburn: you’re linked on my profile up with my other 2 favourites tumblogs DEEZ NUTZ ARE...
Jul 13th
Taken a while back, and yes, I am trying to coerce bagcoffee...
Jul 13th
Reblog with Weapon of Choice
ovarianmarion: fists of fury. Anything sharp. I’m thinking a notched 3/13” trowel....
Jul 13th
Whiny Bitch: *whiny sounds* *whiny sounds* *whiny sounds* There is a mosquito in here. *whiny sounds*
Coworker2: Is it biting you?
Whiny Bitch: No. *calls someone* *leaves the office* *comes back into office with a can of mosquito spray and just starts spraying everywhere.*
Me: Please stop.
Whiny Bitch: But there is a mosquito!!!!
Me: That shit is more toxic to everyone in the room than a single mosquito flying around.
Whiny Bitch: *princess voice that probably gets her everything she wants at home* But it's biting..
Me: MY FUCKING EYES ARE WATERING AND I FEEL LIKE PUKING. YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO SPRAY AT A MOSQUITO...NOT FUCKING FILL AN ENTIRE ROOM WITH IT. AND DON'T GIVE ME THAT SYRUPY PRINCESS VOICE. THAT SHIT AIN'T GOING TO WORK ON ME.
Whiny Bitch: *continues spraying*
Me: *grabs the spray can and throws it into the hall* STOP THAT!!! IT'S NOT FABREEZE, BITCH!
Whiny Bitch: *Starts crying*
Me: Are you fucking serious? Are you FUCKING SERIOUS? JESUS H CHRIST! WHAT THE FUCK? *goes to smoke on the roof and hopefully trap some mosquito's to release into the office*
Coworker2: Is it biting you?
Whiny Bitch: No. *calls someone* *leaves the office* *comes back into office with a can of mosquito spray and just starts spraying everywhere.*
Me: Please stop.
Whiny Bitch: But there is a mosquito!!!!
Me: That shit is more toxic to everyone in the room than a single mosquito flying around.
Whiny Bitch: *princess voice that probably gets her everything she wants at home* But it's biting..
Me: MY FUCKING EYES ARE WATERING AND I FEEL LIKE PUKING. YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO SPRAY AT A MOSQUITO...NOT FUCKING FILL AN ENTIRE ROOM WITH IT. AND DON'T GIVE ME THAT SYRUPY PRINCESS VOICE. THAT SHIT AIN'T GOING TO WORK ON ME.
Whiny Bitch: *continues spraying*
Me: *grabs the spray can and throws it into the hall* STOP THAT!!! IT'S NOT FABREEZE, BITCH!
Whiny Bitch: *Starts crying*
Me: Are you fucking serious? Are you FUCKING SERIOUS? JESUS H CHRIST! WHAT THE FUCK? *goes to smoke on the roof and hopefully trap some mosquito's to release into the office*
Jul 13th
Jul 13th
Jul 13th
via www.djkimjong.com
Jul 13th
(via pikespice)
Jul 12th
Jul 12th
Fuck yeah we got our squid on.
Jul 12th
Yoboseyoh = Moshi Moshi (Japan) = Hello (only on the telephone).
Man on the subway: Yo-bo-sey-oh....Yo-bo-sey-oh? Nay nay....Yo-bo-sey-oh?....Yo-bo-sey-oh?...Eh? Yo-bo-sey-oh?... *clears throat* YO!-BO!-SEY!-OH!?....YO-BO-SEY-OH!!?....*ten second pause*...... Yoboseyoh?
Me: Just hang up.
Man on the subway: Yo-bo-sey-oh (like five more times)
Me: HOLY MOTHER OF CHRIST, IF YOU SAY YOBOSEYOH ONE MORE MOBILEFUCKING TIME, I AM GOING TO CUT YOUR FUCKING TONGUE OUT. DO YOU FUCKING UNDERSTAND ME? HANG UP THE PHONE. HANG IT UP RIGHT NOW. I SWEAR TO FUCK THERE SHOULD BE A DEDICATED CAR ON THIS SUBWAY FOR PEOPLE LIKE YOU. IT'D BE THE WRETCHEDNESS CAR, AND IT WOULD BE FULL OF WASTE-OF-SPACE-FUCKERS LIKE YOU SCREAMING YOBOSEYOH INTO HANDPHONES, SPITTING ON THE GROUND, COUGHING WITHOUT COVERING THEIR MOUTH, PLAYING NINTENDO DS WITHOUT HEADPHONES ON, AND PREACHING ALL KINDS OF JESUS SHIT ALL OVER EACH OTHER.
Man on the subway: Yo-bo-sey-oh....Yo-bo-sey-oh? Nay nay....Yo-bo-sey-oh?....Yo-bo-sey-oh?...Eh? Yo-bo-sey-oh?... *clears throat* YO!-BO!-SEY!-OH!?....YO-BO-SEY-OH!!?....*ten second pause*...... Yoboseyoh?
Me: Just hang up.
Man on the subway: Yo-bo-sey-oh (like five more times)
Me: HOLY MOTHER OF CHRIST, IF YOU SAY YOBOSEYOH ONE MORE MOBILEFUCKING TIME, I AM GOING TO CUT YOUR FUCKING TONGUE OUT. DO YOU FUCKING UNDERSTAND ME? HANG UP THE PHONE. HANG IT UP RIGHT NOW. I SWEAR TO FUCK THERE SHOULD BE A DEDICATED CAR ON THIS SUBWAY FOR PEOPLE LIKE YOU. IT'D BE THE WRETCHEDNESS CAR, AND IT WOULD BE FULL OF WASTE-OF-SPACE-FUCKERS LIKE YOU SCREAMING YOBOSEYOH INTO HANDPHONES, SPITTING ON THE GROUND, COUGHING WITHOUT COVERING THEIR MOUTH, PLAYING NINTENDO DS WITHOUT HEADPHONES ON, AND PREACHING ALL KINDS OF JESUS SHIT ALL OVER EACH OTHER.
Jul 12th
Jul 12th
Jul 12th
The Korea Herald
Jul 12th
Jul 11th
*in an elevator*
*a man and woman around our age get on*
Me: HOLY FUCK, someone is wearing too much perfume.
Sooky: Yeah, wow, it really is overpowering.
Me: People who wear that much perfume are usually trying to hide the fact that they smoke cigarettes.
Sooky: Yeah?
The guy: You know, just because we are Korean doesn't mean we can't understand you.
Me: SERIOUSLY? WOW! That doesn't change the fact that one of you is wearing too much fucking stetson.
The guy: I hate how foreigners think Koreans can't speak English.
Me: I hate how you CAN'T FUCKING SEE that the woman I am with is Korean. Do you realize how idiotic what you just said is?
The guy: So what?
Me: Look, it's date night and I am on my best behaviour, but a) shut the fuck up, and b) SHUT. THE. FUCK. UP before I introduce your pretty cheeks to my extra long and pointy apartment key.
Sooky: *stern look*
Me: Bebae, what? I didn't say motherfucker once!!!
*a man and woman around our age get on*
Me: HOLY FUCK, someone is wearing too much perfume.
Sooky: Yeah, wow, it really is overpowering.
Me: People who wear that much perfume are usually trying to hide the fact that they smoke cigarettes.
Sooky: Yeah?
The guy: You know, just because we are Korean doesn't mean we can't understand you.
Me: SERIOUSLY? WOW! That doesn't change the fact that one of you is wearing too much fucking stetson.
The guy: I hate how foreigners think Koreans can't speak English.
Me: I hate how you CAN'T FUCKING SEE that the woman I am with is Korean. Do you realize how idiotic what you just said is?
The guy: So what?
Me: Look, it's date night and I am on my best behaviour, but a) shut the fuck up, and b) SHUT. THE. FUCK. UP before I introduce your pretty cheeks to my extra long and pointy apartment key.
Sooky: *stern look*
Me: Bebae, what? I didn't say motherfucker once!!!
Jul 11th
Jul 11th
…I could never cut you.
Jul 11th
Morgan[was]inKorea meet Morgan from America
Jul 11th
Jul 10th
Jul 10th
Jul 10th
chiam is the only genuinely funny...
(via louischatburn) Reading this gave me a hardon…and then it curved down and around my cuzif...
Jul 10th
Jul 9th
Jul 9th
Jul 9th
Chiam - MenuPages Chinese Restaurant Search
Jul 9th
Jul 9th
Jul 9th
Jul 9th
Jul 8th
Coworker1: My shoes are 100% wet.
Coworker2: Take them off and let them dry.
Coworker1: Wahhhh that will take forever!
-
*five minutes later*
-
Me: WHICH ONE OF YOU MOTHERFUCKERS TURNED ON THIS MOTHERFUCKING SPACE HEATER?
Coworker1: I did. My shoes are wet.
Me: My ass crack is wet.
Coworker1: ...
Coworker2: Yeah, it's really hot in here.
Me: They're fucking canvas shoes. It's fucking balls hot in here already with the shitty air con we have up in this bitch, did you really think it was considerate to FUCKING TURN ON A FUCKING GIANT SPACE HEATER TO DRY YOUR GOD DAMN TINY SIZE 3 SHOES? DID YOU EVEN THINK HOW WE MIGHT FEEL ABOUT THAT?
Coworker1: Well do you have a better idea?
Me: Yeah, how about putting them in front of a fucking fan, you have a fan at your desk...how about aiming that bitch at your shoes?
Coworker1: But if I don't have the fan blowing on me, I get too hot.
Me: OH YOU'RE HOT? LISTEN PRINCESS FUCKER, I'M TURNING THE SPACE HEATER OFF. IF YOU TURN IT BACK ON I'M GOING TO STAND IN FRONT OF THE SPACE HEATER, JUST OVER YOUR SHOES, JOG IN ONE SPOT - MAYBE ADD A FEW JUMPING JACKS IN THERE FOR VARIETY - AND SWEAT MY SWEET MOTHERFUCKING MEAT EATING SWEAT ALL OVER YOUR $3 PAYLESS SPECIAL EDITIONS. THEY'LL NEVER DRY, SO HELP ME GOD.
Coworker2: Take them off and let them dry.
Coworker1: Wahhhh that will take forever!
-
*five minutes later*
-
Me: WHICH ONE OF YOU MOTHERFUCKERS TURNED ON THIS MOTHERFUCKING SPACE HEATER?
Coworker1: I did. My shoes are wet.
Me: My ass crack is wet.
Coworker1: ...
Coworker2: Yeah, it's really hot in here.
Me: They're fucking canvas shoes. It's fucking balls hot in here already with the shitty air con we have up in this bitch, did you really think it was considerate to FUCKING TURN ON A FUCKING GIANT SPACE HEATER TO DRY YOUR GOD DAMN TINY SIZE 3 SHOES? DID YOU EVEN THINK HOW WE MIGHT FEEL ABOUT THAT?
Coworker1: Well do you have a better idea?
Me: Yeah, how about putting them in front of a fucking fan, you have a fan at your desk...how about aiming that bitch at your shoes?
Coworker1: But if I don't have the fan blowing on me, I get too hot.
Me: OH YOU'RE HOT? LISTEN PRINCESS FUCKER, I'M TURNING THE SPACE HEATER OFF. IF YOU TURN IT BACK ON I'M GOING TO STAND IN FRONT OF THE SPACE HEATER, JUST OVER YOUR SHOES, JOG IN ONE SPOT - MAYBE ADD A FEW JUMPING JACKS IN THERE FOR VARIETY - AND SWEAT MY SWEET MOTHERFUCKING MEAT EATING SWEAT ALL OVER YOUR $3 PAYLESS SPECIAL EDITIONS. THEY'LL NEVER DRY, SO HELP ME GOD.
Jul 8th
If you could meet only one person from...
(via stormofgenius) I CAN NOT FUCKING BELIEVE NO ONE SAID THEY WANTED TO MEET ME. I can’t...
Jul 8th
Jul 8th
Jul 8th
Jul 8th
Jul 8th
Jul 8th
koolikeplastic: how do you play? i wanna learn!!
...
Jul 8th
Happy Birthday Bebae! I swear to motherfucking god I got you...
Jul 8th
“A 26-year-old salaried worker was caught Wednesday for...”
— Korea Times Curiosity cut the...
— Korea Times Curiosity cut the...
Jul 8th
“Tired of girls searching for your little friend in bed not...”
— Gmail Spam
— Gmail Spam
Jul 7th
Jul 7th
Epic Game of OMOK
Black wins! I was black!
Jul 7th
Jul 7th
Jul 7th
Jul 7th
porco-voador:
THIS IS HYPE
Jul 7th
A Dispute Over Vocabulary
Over at Korean Media Watch, there is an article titled “The Pornographic and Pedophilic...
Jul 7th
*A Korean-American man bumps into ME on the street*
*He is with his wife and she is carrying their baby and a shit load of stuff in a bag*
Me: Shilay-ham-ne-da
Koram: What the fuck did you just say to me?
Me: I said shilay-ham-ne-da
Koram: What the fu...
His Wife: It mea....
Koram: Stay out of this honey. WHAT. THE. FUCK. did you say to ME?
Me: I said excuse me, which I now regret saying because a) you bumped into me, and b) you have got to be one of the RUDEST MOTHERFUCKERS ON THE PLANET. GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY FACE, HELP YOUR WIFE CARRY SOMETHING, AND FOR CHRIST SAKE, AT LEAST LEARN SOME BASIC MOTHERFUCKING KOREAN. I SWEAR TO MOTHERFUCKING GOD I HATE PEOPLE LIKE YOU, AND ITS A GOD DAMN CRYING SHAME MY BLADES ARE IN THE SHOP BEING TUNED....CUZ YOUR MANNERS NEED A MOTHERFUCKING SHAVE!!!
Koram: You best watch your mouth. Do you know what I could do to you?
Me: I know what you can't do. You can't make all these people stop laughing at you.
*He looks around to see a bunch of people working at street food stalls and clothes tables laughing and making fun of him*
Me: Get back on the boat pak-ee-bowl-ay fucker!!! Oh, sorry, I said get back on the boat cockroach fucker!!
*He is with his wife and she is carrying their baby and a shit load of stuff in a bag*
Me: Shilay-ham-ne-da
Koram: What the fuck did you just say to me?
Me: I said shilay-ham-ne-da
Koram: What the fu...
His Wife: It mea....
Koram: Stay out of this honey. WHAT. THE. FUCK. did you say to ME?
Me: I said excuse me, which I now regret saying because a) you bumped into me, and b) you have got to be one of the RUDEST MOTHERFUCKERS ON THE PLANET. GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY FACE, HELP YOUR WIFE CARRY SOMETHING, AND FOR CHRIST SAKE, AT LEAST LEARN SOME BASIC MOTHERFUCKING KOREAN. I SWEAR TO MOTHERFUCKING GOD I HATE PEOPLE LIKE YOU, AND ITS A GOD DAMN CRYING SHAME MY BLADES ARE IN THE SHOP BEING TUNED....CUZ YOUR MANNERS NEED A MOTHERFUCKING SHAVE!!!
Koram: You best watch your mouth. Do you know what I could do to you?
Me: I know what you can't do. You can't make all these people stop laughing at you.
*He looks around to see a bunch of people working at street food stalls and clothes tables laughing and making fun of him*
Me: Get back on the boat pak-ee-bowl-ay fucker!!! Oh, sorry, I said get back on the boat cockroach fucker!!
Jul 6th
I posted my favourite pictures here in large format.
Jul 6th
Not American
I am stoked that elly, who has been an online friend/acquaintance of mine off and on for almost a...
Jul 6th
Jul 6th
Jul 6th
“Despite the immense popularity of Korean pop culture in...”
— The Chosun Ilbo
— The Chosun Ilbo
Jul 6th
“A recent survey of entertainers [in Korea] found that one...”
— 19% of Actresses Forced to...
— 19% of Actresses Forced to...
Jul 6th
Jul 5th
Jul 5th
“One reason for Bing’s popularity here during mid-June was...”
— (JoongAng Daily)
— (JoongAng Daily)
Jul 5th
Baisha
A Gift for Smokehard from the shores of Flushing Bay in Queens, NYC Smoke, smoke, smoke ...
Jul 5th
Jul 5th
Jul 5th
Jul 4th
Jul 4th
Jul 4th
Jul 4th
Jul 4th
Me: *huge fart*
Wife: wow!
Me: That felt good.
Wife: Imagine you farted out of your penis?
Me: That would be cool. I could put out fires.
Wife: You wouldn't need to buy the compressed air to clean out your computer.
Me: HAH! So true!
Wife: The only problem would be if you jizzed by accident and it clogged up the fans.
Me: That is a risk I'd be willing to take, ya know why?
Wife: Why?
Me: TYPE OF FUCKING GUY I AM! ALWAYS LIVING LIFE ON THE MOTHERFUCKING EDGE?
Wife: OH JESUS! SHUT THE FUCK UP AND DO THE LAUNDRY.
Me: Fine!
Wife: wow!
Me: That felt good.
Wife: Imagine you farted out of your penis?
Me: That would be cool. I could put out fires.
Wife: You wouldn't need to buy the compressed air to clean out your computer.
Me: HAH! So true!
Wife: The only problem would be if you jizzed by accident and it clogged up the fans.
Me: That is a risk I'd be willing to take, ya know why?
Wife: Why?
Me: TYPE OF FUCKING GUY I AM! ALWAYS LIVING LIFE ON THE MOTHERFUCKING EDGE?
Wife: OH JESUS! SHUT THE FUCK UP AND DO THE LAUNDRY.
Me: Fine!
Jul 3rd
Jul 3rd
Jul 3rd
Jul 3rd
Jul 3rd
Jul 2nd
Jul 2nd
Coworker: Why don't you eat some watermelon?
Me: Thanks, but I don't really like watermelon.
Coworker: Why not?
Me: Ummm, I just don't?
Coworker: Did you ever try it in your home country?
Me: WHAT? THE? FUCK? Didn't you go to school in the United States?
Coworker: Yes, I did.
Me: Did they have MOTHERFUCKING WATERMELON THERE?
Coworker: Yes.
Me: SO YOU DON'T FUCKING THINK THAT A TRUCK CARRYING WATERMELONS CAN CROSS THE LONGEST UNDE-FUCKING-FENDED BORDER IN THE WORLD AND DELIVER THE-NINETY-NINE-POINT-NINE-PER-FUCKING-CENT-WATER-FRUIT TO GOD DAMN CANADIAN MOTHERFUCKERS TO "TRY"?
Coworker: jeeez, you get so mad.
Me: JEEEZ, SUCH FUCKING RIDIC SHIT COMES OUT OF YOUR MOUTH, IT'S FUCKING INFURIATING. FUCK OFF BEFORE I GET THE EXACTO.
Me: Thanks, but I don't really like watermelon.
Coworker: Why not?
Me: Ummm, I just don't?
Coworker: Did you ever try it in your home country?
Me: WHAT? THE? FUCK? Didn't you go to school in the United States?
Coworker: Yes, I did.
Me: Did they have MOTHERFUCKING WATERMELON THERE?
Coworker: Yes.
Me: SO YOU DON'T FUCKING THINK THAT A TRUCK CARRYING WATERMELONS CAN CROSS THE LONGEST UNDE-FUCKING-FENDED BORDER IN THE WORLD AND DELIVER THE-NINETY-NINE-POINT-NINE-PER-FUCKING-CENT-WATER-FRUIT TO GOD DAMN CANADIAN MOTHERFUCKERS TO "TRY"?
Coworker: jeeez, you get so mad.
Me: JEEEZ, SUCH FUCKING RIDIC SHIT COMES OUT OF YOUR MOUTH, IT'S FUCKING INFURIATING. FUCK OFF BEFORE I GET THE EXACTO.
Jul 2nd
(via closingscene)
I FUCKING LIKE THIS.
Jul 2nd
“WELCOME TO REPEATING MOTHERFUCKER FRIDAY!”
Jul 2nd
Jul 2nd
Jul 2nd
Dead Squirrels Dream
I had a dream last night that I was walking through a forest. It was a beautiful place. As I walked...
Jul 2nd
hopelessromance:
WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO, ITUNES? I TRIED TO...
Jul 2nd
Jul 2nd
Jul 2nd
“From Friday, restaurants reserving leftovers to customers...”
— KT THIS IS BEING DONE JUST...
— KT THIS IS BEING DONE JUST...
Jul 2nd
Jul 1st
Listen
Another choice cut* from the chiamattt archive.
*Ingesting mrooms, erbz, h, op, e, or a combination...
Jul 1st
I WILL CUT A RUG LIKE NO MOTHERFUCKERS BUSINESS AFTER...
Jul 1st
Me: *shocked look at a mother and daughter duo*
Mother: *puzzled*
Daughter: *puzzled*
Me: *stares at daughters chest*
Mother: *dirty look*
Me: *stares at daughters chest*
Daughter: *uncomfortable look*
Mother: Do you have a problem?
Me: Ummmm, you let your daughter wear that shirt?
Mother: I bought her THAT shirt!! (all offended)
Me: *rummages in bag for English/Korean dictionary*
Daughter to Mother: What's his problem?
Mother: I think he's a pervert.
Me: No, I think you're the motherfucking pervert. The shirt says "nal kangkan" in English.
Mother: What!??!??
Me: Yes, "Rape Me" means "nal kangkan".
Daughter: !!! WTF Mom !!!!!
Mother: *puzzled*
Daughter: *puzzled*
Me: *stares at daughters chest*
Mother: *dirty look*
Me: *stares at daughters chest*
Daughter: *uncomfortable look*
Mother: Do you have a problem?
Me: Ummmm, you let your daughter wear that shirt?
Mother: I bought her THAT shirt!! (all offended)
Me: *rummages in bag for English/Korean dictionary*
Daughter to Mother: What's his problem?
Mother: I think he's a pervert.
Me: No, I think you're the motherfucking pervert. The shirt says "nal kangkan" in English.
Mother: What!??!??
Me: Yes, "Rape Me" means "nal kangkan".
Daughter: !!! WTF Mom !!!!!
Jul 1st
Jul 1st
Jul 1st
Jul 1st
“SOME MOTHERFUCKERS GOTS TO UPGRADE!”
— Pagers, which were prominent...
— Pagers, which were prominent...
Jul 1st
Jul 1st
Jul 1st
(via Chia-Yi Lin)
MORGAN TEPSIC’S ASS! WHAT’S...
Jul 1st
Jun 30th
Allow me to be serious? Just this once,...
My followers, if I may, please allow me to be serious for just one moment. I know my tumblr leans a...
Jun 30th
Jun 30th
Listen
I made this track while some of you were probably still sucking on titties for nutrition and not...
Jun 30th
Jun 30th
In the Bathroom
Me: *standing at urinal*Cleaning lady: *upon entering* AHHHHH OHHHHH EEEEEEEE *runs out*
Me: YEAH THAT'S RIGHT BITCH! GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!!!
Coworker: *enters* Hello.
Me: Sup. *I leave*
Cleaning lady waiting outside the bathroom: *Goes into the bathroom*
Me: *Goes back into the bathroom* YOU'LL COME IN HERE IF A KOREAN IS HERE, BUT IF A GOD DAMN DIRTY CANADIAN BASTARD IS IN HERE, YOU RUN FOR YOU LIFE. EH? EH? IS THAT HOW IT'S GOING TO BE? IS A FOREIGNER GONNA HAVE TO CUT THE HELP?
Cleaning lady: *runs out*
Coworker: Why do you have to be so gruff?
Me: Gruff? WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? RUFF RUFF McGRUFF? WOOF WOOF WOOF!!!!!!!!!!
Coworker: Seriously man. Are you drunk?
Me: *runs out*
Jun 30th
“CUT YOU, CUT YOU, BO-CUT YOU,
BANANA-FANA-FO-CUT YOU,...”
— Sing sang sung in the...
— Sing sang sung in the...
Jun 30th
Jun 30th